On Liu Bei's wedding night, he said to his beautiful wife, 'It's time for the second brother to make his move!' Suddenly, Guan Yu broke in, shouting, 'Thank you, big brother!' Guan Yu continued, 'Let me show you my little brother's prowess!' Just as he finished speaking, Zhang Fei leaped through the window, shouting, 'Thanks, second brother! Zhang Fei grabbed the breast: watch my spear brother's skill.' Immediately, Zhao Yun darted in: 'Thanks, third brother.' After Zhao Yun stripped, he said it was time to show his treasure. Zhuge said, 'Thank you, generals ~
Man: My wife drank pesticide due to forced demolition. The doctor said: just vomit it out. Man: I've tried everything, she won't vomit.
Doctor leaned close to the unconscious woman's ear and said: Plan for the people (the woman had some reaction), Love for the people (the woman twitched a bit), Establish the party for the public (the woman made a nauseous sound), Govern for the people (the woman covered her mouth), Put people first (the woman rolled over and vomited everything out). The man was extremely grateful: The Party is my lifesaver!
I was originally a high school detective. While tracking an underground organization, I was attacked by men in black and forced to drink Sanlu milk powder, which turned me into an elementary school student. During the school field trip, I entered a waterfall, became a chosen child, arrived at Faraway Island, and captured Pikachu, Charmander, Squirtle, and others. Afterwards, I embarked on the Great Sailing Route, vowing to become the King of Pirates… Along the way, I reached the Green Grassland, settled there, and eventually became the village chief of Sheep Village…
After posting this, looking at the 'Insufficient balance, system will shut down soon' message popping up in the bottom right of the computer, he reluctantly stood up. Leaving the internet cafe, he took out his only one yuan to take a cab home. As soon as he entered the door, he saw his dad and mom sitting in the room, both looking unhappy—the room was messy. They must have argued again! Divorce again! His mother stood up with a dark face and asked, 'Son, your father and I are getting a divorce. Do you want to stay with me or your dad? You choose yourself!' He looked at his mom and then at his dad. Tears immediately welled up in his eyes. Yes, what a cruel choice, he thought. He knew his mom was still tighter and more generous. But obviously his dad's anus was tighter due to recent use—so which should he choose? Suddenly, a bright idea flashed in his mind: choose mom! After all, she has three holes. And dad only has two!So he apologetically said to his father, "I'm sorry, I chose to be with Mom!" His father moved his lips and said leisurely, "Son, don't forget. She will never have the ability to develop your anus! But I have!" When Zheng heard this, his face turned pale. So he fell into endless dilemma again
\Recently, I've heard many girls complain about their period, all kinds of annoyance, inconvenient mobility, inedible food, and inappropriate white pants...... I just want to say: Give me one night and I'll give you a stable October!
Yesterday we went on a blind date; the girl was gentle and quite pretty. After a moment of silence, the girl said, "I'm not good at talking. If there's anything offendous..." Before I could finish, I slapped him. Damn! That was the only sentence I knew. In the locker room, my friend was left with only his underwear. I looked at his underwear as if I had seen it somewhere before, pondered for a few seconds, and suddenly remembered. So... I suddenly slapped his butt and said, "Oh, you actually wore couple's underwear with your wife!! "A few dozen seconds later... The whole changing room froze; it seemed he had realized something!!! At night, after work, I got my salary and was walking back to the shed. At a dark corner, I saw a young couple from the school holding hands. The young man said, "Honey, let's go get a room." The girl replied, "No, it's my first time. I wasn't ready." The young man's eyes looked so desperate, reminding me of my own tragic experiences in college. I sighed, quickly stepped forward, took off my helmet, and with a wave of my hand, knocked the young man unconscious, then forcibly slept with her. When I was about to finish and heard the young man waking up, I hurriedly pulled up my pants and quietly walked away, not looking back at their expressions, thinking: Good luck, young man! Migrant workers can only help you this far. —But damn, she really isn't a virgin.
Hello,sao nian,I want to play agame。 Over the past decade or so, you have kept doing dirty things with your hands. Whenever your mother walks into your room full of the scent of expertise, seeing your pale face and sparse yellow hair, silently shedding tears, do you feel like you have wasted your years and time?Now I'm giving you a chance to save yourself. About 2 meters in front of your seat, there's a liquid needle insertion device in the disc. Within 30 seconds, use your calloused hands to scoop out at least 200MM of liquid and shoot it into the disc. This will activate the needle insertion, temporarily safeguarding your freedom. Otherwise, the iron spike under the chair is no joke. Don't rush, the game isn't over yet. The road to success is full of hardships. Go to your left bed, lift the blanket, this is Fengjie. The key to leaving this room is in her womb. Only climax can get the key out. You have half an hour, and after half an hour, poison will fill the whole room. Time flies like a shuttle. Now you need to bravely face your own needs—will you end your decade-long virginity, or be spiritually empty and corrupted, reunited with Fengjie, or something else? Live or die, make your choice
\ Last night, M and I were in the cemetery, dug up a corpse, and took turns exploding our ass. Not long after, I got scared and said, "What if the police come and collect semen samples and find us?" We have to destroy the evidence! So M took out a straw and stuck it into the corpse's private parts to suck. After a while, he looked up and said to me, "I'm enough!" Now it's your turn. "He disgusted me so much I wanted to throw up, and I cursed, "Get lost! Who wants to use a straw with you!" "I have studied Chinese culture quite a bit, and Chinese language for cursing is extremely rich. However, after my research, NMLGB is actually not an insult but a compliment, for the following reasons: "your mom" is an honorific. Generally, a mother is great, so "your mom" means "you are great"; and "a person" and "a great person" are almost homophones, so "a person" means "you are very remarkable"; and "逼" means "close" (逼, meaning close). —From "Shuowen Xinfu"), and here it is clearly an inversion. So when read together, NMLGB means "You are truly remarkable, close to greatness." So if you ever hear someone say 'NMLGB' to you, they're actually complimenting you. Don't turn around and insult them, or you'll come across as uneducated and uncultured. Seeing your unique bones and kind nature, why not be a flute girl under me? Wouldn't that be satisfying?! The boss told the driver to deliver the bribe money home and warned him not to let his mother know. The driver stuffed the money into his underwear and went to the boss's house to ask his wife: Is your mother-in-law at home? The lady said she wasn't.Driver: Alright! I said this while untiing my belt. Wife: Don't do anything reckless! Driver: I'll give you money. Wife: Even if you pay, it won't work. Driver: The boss called me here. After hesitating a bit, the lady took off her clothes and said: Bastard, let someone else handle this too.
I've been together with my girlfriend for four years. She's pregnant with my child, eight months old. We're very poor and often have nothing to eat. Just now, I couldn't hold back and discussed with my girlfriend about taking out the baby in her belly to braise it. She refused no matter what, so I had no choice but to knock her out with a stick. So I imitated the kind on TV and hit her neck with a stick, but she didn't faint; instead, I hit her and started crying loudly. I had no choice but to hit her a few more times before she finally fainted. So I reached into her lower body to take something out, but no matter how I tried, I couldn't get it out. Her hole seemed too narrow. So I gritted my teeth, forced the hole wide, and pulled hard inside. When I took it out, it turned out to be a "monkey head." This thing had no meat and didn't taste good. So I put my hand back in and searched for a long time before finally finding my son's body. When I pulled it out, it was a bloody mess. I originally wanted to wash the braised dish, but I was so hungry that I just bit into my son's arm in one bite. The taste wasn't as good as I had imagined, but it was passable. After eating my son's upper body, I suddenly remembered—my girlfriend was still hungry. She's the person I love most, so of course I had to save some for her. So I woke her up. She looked a bit haggard, and as soon as she woke up, she grabbed me and asked, 'Where's the child?' I grabbed the remaining lower half and handed it to her. I thought she'd be happy, but unexpectedly, she grabbed me and shouted for me to give her the child back. I thought for a moment, smiled, and untied my belt... It's said that all the guys love to say to their goddesses, and it can be summed up in a couplet: First line: What are you doing? Oh, it's nothing. Have a good dream and sleep early. Second line: It's cold outside, wear more clothes, and don't have fun too late. Horizontal scroll: Is he good to you? On the crowded bus, the young boy tightly held his just-off girlfriend and whispered a promise in her ear: "You're willing to squeeze onto the bus with me now, but I'm sorry you're being wronged. From now on, I'll make sure you get on my bus to pick you up after work."Three years later, at the same place, the girl looked moved at the boy in the driver's seat who had made a promise to her. After three years of hard work, he finally became the bus driver.
The wealthy guy said to the loser: Guess how many pieces of candy are in my pocket? The guy said: If I guessed right, would you give me some? The rich guy nodded: Yeah, if I guessed right, I'll give you two pieces! The guy swallowed and said: I'll guess five yuan! Then, the rich guy smiled and put the candy in his hand, saying: I still owe you three pieces. The guy excitedly ate the two pieces of candy with lots of sleeping pills and passed out. On the third day, the tall, rich, and handsome guy met another loser and asked, "Do you still eat candy?" The loser replied, "No!" After eating, his butt hurt......=-=;
A pervert, a money-addict, and a homosexual all died at the same time, and they all wanted to go to heaven. God told them that they must endure trials on the way through heaven and change their bad habits before they could enter heaven; otherwise, they would have to go to hell. The three set off for heaven when suddenly they saw a group of beautiful women by the roadside. The pervert ahead couldn't help but rush over to touch them, but ended up falling straight into hell. The other two continued walking forward and suddenly saw a wallet on the ground, vaguely revealing a thick stack of cash. The money-seeker bent down to pick it up, and just as he was about to touch the wallet, he remembered the miserable state the pervert had just suffered in hell. He held back his greed, straightened up, and walked the rest of the journey alone to ascend to heaven.
(A bit of a bit of information *_*)
\A beautiful woman I'd secretly liked posted a new photo of me on her QQ space. When I saw it, I was overjoyed. "Are you looking to get some fun with, little slutty woman?" So I immediately took off the underwear I bought for five yuan at a street stall and switched hands to enjoy it. After that, I went out to a noodle shop next to the market and had a bowl of 4 yuan noodles. That was enough to fill me up today. After eating, I saw that beautiful woman I'd secretly liked watching a 4S movie with a tall, rich, and handsome guy at the Apple Experience Store. I took a look in the corner outside the window. The woman's face was still rosy. Haha, it must be because I ended up like this just now when I was playing with her. Haha, so what if she's tall, rich, and handsome? She's just picking up leftovers from me. I was overjoyed, so I just stared at her outside the Apple store, slipped my hand through the hole in her pants pocket, and then her a bit more in front of her tall, rich, and handsome boyfriend. Playing with a married woman like this is awesome.\T_T
Ladies, please pay attention when taking a shower. When you are in the bathroom, do not close your eyes. Because the moment you close your eyes, the 'shower ghost' will be staring at you; as soon as you open your eyes, he disappears. The only way to see him is to record it with a DV camera, but you must not watch the DV!! Because he has already been sealed inside the DV, and then—you need to send the DV tape to me. I will help you perform a spell to expel the shower ghost and save you from disaster, even though my vital energy will be severely drained! But as the Buddha says: If I do not enter hell, who will enter hell? My Buddha is merciful, Om Tuo Fo. Email: 1234567@qq.com
While xx was browsing posts, his wife looked at him with grievance and said: 'Husband, the other day when you went out to carry bricks, my father-in-law slept with me.' xx took a drag from his cigarette: 'It's okay, he's not my real dad. When he married my mom, he happily became a father. My real dad is my grandpa, I am my dad.' xx took another drag: 'Also, your dad is a happily-made dad. I am your dad.' After saying this, he gently caressed his wife's head, and endless warmth enveloped them.
No matter how beautiful a woman is,\ her nostrils are still full of boogers,\ and a finger can pull out snot several centimeters long,\ meat remnants from yesterday still linger between the teeth, the coating on her tongue is filled with accumulated fluids that no rinsing can clean,\ opening her mouth smells horrendous,\ her breath carries the scent of countless men. Taking off her underwear, the strong aroma of gynecological infection makes you want to vomit,\ looking closely, thick discharge is faintly visible among wild grass, slightly yellow, emitting the stench of leftover food.\ Imagine them straining while constipated, faces twisted, letting out groans mixed with pleasure and anger, trying to squeeze out a large, golden, rock-hard stool stored for at least 15 workdays from their darkened anus.
nExcitedly reading posts, he was stopped by a reporter who insisted on interviewing him—the reporter asked: 'You must have some unforgettable experiences in your life, can you tell us about them?'—nHe was stunned for a moment, lit a cigarette, took a long drag, and then said meaningfully: 'That year, the dog of the family on the second floor got lost... I and the second-floor neighbor looked for it on the mountain all night, finally found the dog. Because it rained heavily, we stayed overnight in a cave. That night was so boring that we forcibly went on the second-floor family's dog, it felt great!'——The reporter looked awkward and asked again, “Don't you have anything even more unforgettable?” ——n chuckled, “One winter, the third floor was missing. I went up the mountain to look with the second floor, and we found it quickly, but on the way down, we deliberately took a detour until it was dark, so we spent a night in a cave. The second floor and I understood each other without words, and forcibly got the third floor up. It felt damn good!” ——The reporter forced a smile to ease the atmosphere, then asked again, “Don't you have anything most unforgettable, something other than raping animals or people?” —— n listened, trembling, pressing the cigarette butt hard into the ashtray a few times, his mouth twitching constantly, and finally calmed down. n let a murky tear drop and sank into endless sad memories... “O-One year, I was missing, and everyone in the building went up the mountain to find me...\ Perhaps you give away your purity in a room that costs tens of yuan a night, but expect another man to marry you with a house worth at least thousands per square meter. Perhaps you would say, we wanted to love before, and so we did it. But why didn't you get married? Instead, you broke up? There are only two reasons for that: one, you're stupid, deceived by a man, even giving your body without really knowing each other before sleeping together. Two, you're cheap, indifferent, sleeping with anyone, as long as he's satisfied and so are you. Clearly, neither of these types of women are suitable to be wives. Who knows if such women, after marriage, might be deceived into bed again or seduce men? Nowadays, many people look down on men's fetish for virgins, focusing on ***. In fact, there's nothing wrong with a virgin fetish; what men value isn't that hymen, but a woman's past. Engaging in disordered sex before marriage clearly doesn't make for a good woman. Perhaps someone will say again, what era is this? What's weird about pre-marital sex? Nowadays, look for a virgin even in kindergarten. Haha, yet there are so many foolish men who believe it, but actually, these are all words said by cheap women, afraid no one will want them. Those making such statements are always non-virgins, because virgins really have nothing to say. They wouldn't be shouting on the streets, 'I'm a virgin, I'm a virgin!' Virgins, tighten your legs, and never underestimate any man's attention to the virgin fetish!Nowadays, there are so many non-virgins online that really make everyone disgusted. Back in school, for the sake of a so-called 'love,' they slept with a boyfriend who had nothing to offer, thinking they were being so great by giving their first time to the person they loved. Love without even a marriage promise, let alone any material conditions like a car or a house. You enjoyed yourself freely for four years, graduated, and the guy just pats his butt and leaves to find a job and pursue his future! You reach the age where you should get married, and then you start calculating your little scheme: he should be handsome, have a house, a car, and money. I just don't understand, are you looking for a husband or just a meal ticket?! You gave your best youthful years and your body to an irresponsible man who leaves once he's done with you, and now you make it hard for a man who would support you, love you, and take care of you for a lifetime. Does that really make your heart feel better? I'm not saying this lightly. Go check Quora*, many women say after breaking up with their boyfriends that they are tired, don't want to wander anymore, and just want to get married. I just want to curse, why? Why should good men be forced to eat someone else's leftovers and pay for someone else's mistakes for a lifetime? What's worse is they even set a long list of requirements: looks, job, house, car, and yet personal character can basically be ignored. And they expect the man not to mind that they're not virgins, as if men who value virginity are all filthy and deserve to be punished. Some even say they can never forget their first boyfriend. What kind of person are you?! For women like this, I just want to say four words: don't bother me! \Topped!
