1. Reporter: Grandpa, if you had ten acres of land, would you be willing to give half of the harvest to the party?\ Grandpa: I would!\ Reporter: What if it were two villas? Would you give up one of them?\ Grandpa: I would!\ Reporter: What if there were two cars?\ Grandpa: I would!\ Reporter: How about winning a one million yuan prize?\ Grandpa: I would!\ Reporter: And if there were two cows?\ Grandpa: I wouldn't!!!\ Reporter: Why are you willing to give up fields, villas, cars, and prize money, but not the cows?\ Grandpa: Because I really do have two cows!\ 2. Shenzhou 10 has been launched! Amidst a joyful crowd, a reporter asked an old man: "Grandpa, what do you think the successful launch of Shenzhou 10 signifies?" The old man thought for a moment and said: "It shows that solving corruption, education issues, housing problems, medical problems, food safety problems in our country is even harder than, damn, going to heaven!"\ 3. Reporter: Grandpa, the mayor has been kidnapped; the kidnappers are asking for a ransom of ten million. If not paid, they will burn him with gasoline. There's a fundraiser going on now. How much do you plan to donate?\ Grandpa: Ten liters, I guess.\ 4. Reporter: Grandpa, Guangzhou is about to spend 630 million yuan to build a cemetery, but it will only bury officials. What do you think about that?\ Grandpa: Is it a live burial?\ 5. Reporter: Grandpa, regarding the new anti-corruption policy this year that will be enforced seriously, what do you think?\ Grandpa: You mean, the anti-corruption in previous years was just for show?\ 6. Reporter: Grandpa, how many children do you have? Are they all in school?\ Grandpa: Two boys are, but I didn't let my daughter go.\ Reporter: Why? That's gender discrimination and could be criticized! Grandpa: The principal is a man.\ 7. A government plane crashed, and all the leaders died. The investigation team asked an old man at the scene: Were there any survivors? The old man smiled guilelessly and said: There were, one person was holding my leg and said he wasn't dead, but you know, leaders never tell the truth. I didn't trust his words, so I still buried him...\ Last time I went to participate in The Voice of China, I farted, and all four judges turned around! Na Ying: Your fart is very musical! Exactly what I wanted, but during the first vibrato, the breath was a bit short! Come to my team, I'll teach you how to fart! A-Mei: I need a fart like yours, welcome to Team A-Mei! No matter what, you can still fart like this! Harlem: Wow~!No matter whether he chooses me or not, I just want to turn around and take a look at him as a person; his fart is terrifying! Wang Feng: There seems to be a story in your fart, tell me, what exactly did you have for lunch?
The great river flows east, all couples in the world break up, (eh hey eh hey, all break up, after Qixi they all break up) Shout out against injustice, if you don't break up, splash gasoline, light it on fire, no one will save you. Hi, oh, ah, couples showing affection, you say, how much hatred must there be to explode gasoline if you don't break up, light it on fire, no one will save you! (hehe hi yo hehe)
On a construction site, a man is carrying a bag of cement toward the work area with great effort when the sound of a phone rings. The man wipes the sweat from his forehead with his black, dirty hands, takes an old flip phone from the pocket of his pants covered in white dust, and presses the call button, already worn off. Hello Dad, it's me, Xiao Hua. Xiao Hua, what's the matter? Tell me, the man's face breaks into a smile. His son Xiao Hua has always been his hope, the meaning of his life. Dad, I'm going into Grade 9 this semester; the teacher said since I'm about to start Grade 9, if my grades are good, I can be recommended for tutoring. Tutoring? The man's heart sank; he just paid 688 for tutoring during the Spring Festival. How much did you pay? 888. The teacher said this tutor is very good! The man's face darkens, he grits his teeth, Okay, as long as you study hard, how much you pay doesn't matter, at worst Dad will borrow money! Thanks Dad. After the call ends, the man's eyes are hollow, even when a brick falls from above, he doesn't hear his coworkers shouting “watch out.” The brick hits him hard on the head, and he falls straight down. “Old Hai!” Coworkers rush to help him, seeing blood gushing from his head. The foreman walks over slowly, “Old Hai, can you still work? If not, go home.” Thinking of his son's tutoring fee, the man pushes away his coworkers, uses his dirty, sweaty shirt to roughly bandage his head, and lifts the bag of cement again. The son takes the 888 yuan and rushes excitedly to the internet café, saying to the front desk manager, I want to recharge 888 Q-coins. Thinking to himself, "With the Fire Kirin, who can beat me, hahaha."
A boy rides a motorcycle with a girl, speeding on the road. They love each other deeply. Girl: Slow down, I'm scared! Boy: Then hold me tight, say you love me! The girl hugs the boy tightly and says: I love you! Boy says: Take off my helmet and wear it yourself; it interferes with my driving!The next day, the newspaper reported: A motorcycle crashed due to brake failure, the boy died, and the girl survived. In fact, the boy had already known that the brakes were faulty…
Aftermath: The girl later said, "You idiot youth! Don't you know about easing off the throttle, downshifting, and turning off the engine?" Two days later, she was with another tall, handsome, rich boyfriend.
Sister: "Brother, you're amazing, even more amazing than Dad!!"
Brother: "That's right, Mom said the same thing."
Sister: "I gave birth to you with Dad, so I am Mom!!"
Brother: "No way, then who is the person we call Mom?"
Sister: "She is Dad's mother!"
Brother: "Isn't she Dad's sister?"
Sister: "She is both Dad's sister and Dad's mother, just like our relationship!"
Brother: "So the person we call Mom is also our aunt?"
Sister: "Yes, you're really smart."
Brother: "So the person we call Mom is also our grandmother?"
Sister: "Yes, you're very smart."
Brother: "So the person we call Mom is also my maternal grandmother?"
Sister: "Yes, that's right."
Brother: "Then our Dad is also my maternal grandfather?"
Sister: "Yes, that's right."
Brother: "Then Sister, where are your maternal grandparents?"
Sister: "My maternal grandparents are Dad's grandmother and Dad's grandfather."
Brother: "Oh, so complicated."
Sister: "It's not complicated. It will only get more complicated when my child is born."
Brother: "Oh? Why will it be complicated?"
Sister: "Because I don't know whether my child will be Dad's or yours."
Brother: "So that means your child could be my younger brother or sister, or it could be my son or daughter?"
Sister: "Yes."
Brother: "Then what's so complicated about that?"
Sister: "The key issue is, when my child grows up, should they call you Dad, or Brother, or Uncle?"
Brother: "…
In ancient times, there were no humans. After Goddess Nuwa repaired the sky, she used the leftover two pieces of divine clay to mold a small person each. At first, there was no difference between the two; both had a head, limbs, and a single breast, named Male and Female.Later, for some unknown reason, the two started fighting. The woman was fierce and tore off the man's breast, claiming it for herself and placing it on her chest. The man tried several times to take it back but failed each time, so he went to Lady Nuwa to complain. Lady Nuwa found the woman's behavior quite amusing and did not remove it. Instead, she took a small piece of clay from an inconspicuous spot between the woman's legs, rolled it into a ball, and gave it to the man to comfort him. The man was very happy, treating it like a treasured possession and keeping it with him. He would often take it out to play with, which brought him great joy, and even today he still enjoys it. The woman constantly thought of reclaiming it, so her wound has never healed, bleeding every month, but she dared not act rashly due to Lady Nuwa. Many years later, she came up with a plan and discussed it with the man, asking him to allow her to touch the breast he had lost (the man actually preferred one, because it had originally been his). In return, she would temporarily put her own item back in place, hoping to dissolve it with bodily fluids to retrieve hers. The man, not realizing it was a scheme, happily agreed, and after they joined together, both felt immense satisfaction.
After the first time, there was a second, a third, and after each time, a small part remained inside the woman's body. But over the years, it had been completely absorbed by the man, and what remained in her could not merge. Even after a ten-month gestation, it could not merge, but became an independent life form that had to be expelled. And so, humans began to reproduce.
Lu Xun, originally named Bing Xin and later renamed Bu Jingyun, a Devil Fruit user and one of the legendary Three Ninjas, once caused havoc in Heaven, but later turned to righteousness, unifying the Three Kingdoms. Legends say he had 107 brothers, all with iron heads and arms, fierce appearances. This marks the origin of Yang Village. She led a simple life, later meeting the master Avatar, who guided her to kill Snow White and live happily with the seven dwarfs. She also wrote the story of Detective Conan. Detective Conan tells how Taichi Yagami, aspiring to be Pirate King, tamed Pikachu and climbed Creation Mountain to activate the Light Messenger and defeat Shark Pepper, and then, together with Doraemon, collected the seven Gourd Brothers through the Golden Twelve Palaces to summon Shenlong and resurrect the second Hokage. But ultimately, he became the chief of Yang Village to protect the M78 Nebula.
Today, I was wandering around and suddenly noticed a stupid Flying Tigers squad throwing flashbangs. I immediately teleported over, but unfortunately was a moment too late, as the flashbang was about to explode. "Freeze!"The very first move was the immobilization technique, and the flashbang in midair was forcibly stopped in place. Even the Flying Tigers maintained their sly smiles as they threw the flashbang. This scene was noticed by a lean monk who had just entered this thread. With a grand sweep of his hand, a rift in space appeared in the sky, and a scroll of heavenly scriptures flashed past, which the monk caught in his hands. The monk sneered coldly, about to open the heavenly scriptures. At this moment, it was a matter of life and death. I am also considered a decisive person. Pointing across the void, I poked the flashbang; a great force erupted, sending the flashbang straight at the monk. The monk was first stunned and immediately intended to open the heavenly scriptures. By then, I could no longer stop him, so I had no choice but to intimidate him first in order to save the mobile phone users. I immediately mobilized my cultivation, merged it with my spirit, and shouted loudly, 'You impious beast! How dare you...' My voice contained supreme cultivation, instantly breaking through the void. The sound wave became tangible. Before my words finished, the monk was hit by the shockwave; his body collapsed, and the heavenly scriptures were shattered. The monk's soul screamed, attempting to escape. How could I let the tiger return to the mountain? I immediately sent a spiritual seal with a palm strike without even looking at the result and rushed toward the last person in this building. The last person, seeing me flying toward him, was already scared out of his wits, but indeed a glimmer of ruthlessness appeared in his eyes. He transformed into a hundred-zhang-tall bird-like person flying in the sky, twisting his body, moaning 'floating, floating, floating.' I was furious; the power of the ancient gods surged through my body, which grew explosively to 500 zhang. Looking up, I grabbed him forcefully with both hands and slammed him toward the edge of the thread. 'Immortal! Immortal, spare...' Screen flooding NN! Flooders die! There was not even time for him to beg for mercy. Both spirit and form perished. I clapped my hands, ready to leave, keeping my deeds hidden and my name unknown!
One day, a child about ten years old came to a sauna bath, holding a dead frog. The child entered and shouted: 'Do you have any girls here?' The owner heard and came out, saw it was a child, and said: 'No, we don't have girls here.' The child then took 500 yuan from his pocket, put it on the counter, and loudly repeated: 'I'm asking again, do you have any girls here?' Seeing the money, the owner smiled and said: 'We have girls, they are all very pretty.' The child looked at the owner and asked: 'Are any of your girls sick?' The owner hurriedly said: 'No, no, our girls are clean, all new here.' Hearing this, the child got excited, took out another 500 yuan, slammed it down, and said: 'Give me one who is sick.'The boss was quite puzzled when he heard it and said: 'A young lady has syphilis.' The kid immediately said: 'Then it has to be her,' and went into the room with that young lady to do it... After a while, the kid came out and asked the boss: 'I did it with the sick young lady, will I get sick?' The boss, looking helpless, said: 'Yes, but it's your own choice!' The kid said: 'Don't waste words, just tell me if I can?' The boss said: 'Yes!' The kid then asked: 'If I get sick and do my little housemaid, will she get sick too?' The boss said: 'Yes!' The kid asked again: 'If my little housemaid sleeps with my dad, will my dad get sick too?' The boss said: 'Yes!' The kid asked again: 'My dad and my mom are married, will my mom get sick?' The boss said: 'Definitely!' The kid asked again: 'If my mom sleeps with our driver, will the driver get sick?' The boss said: 'No doubt, he certainly will!' At this point, the kid laughed loudly and said: '...Serves you right! Fucking idiot driver, trample my little frog!'
