The post is continuously updated. After the updates, the bottom will note: Law Sea battled Bai Suzhen. Taking advantage of Bai Suzhen's unpreparedness, he bit her, but ended up bleeding from all seven orifices and died. Bai Suzhen said coldly: Now you know what it means to bite a snake and die.\Wang Anshi and Sima Guang have always had opposing views in politics. It is said that the cause was that Sima Guang smashed his family's jar when they were children...\I have been using my phone for more than three years and feel that it is outdated, so I asked my wife if I could get a new one.\My wife said: ‘If you are going to change it, make it a one-step upgrade.' I was very pleased to hear that, but my wife added: ‘I'll get you a senior phone.'\Considering that you are already taller than average, overweight, have not wet the bed for years, sleep early every night, laugh every day, are naturally gentle, and still have a childlike heart, we hereby grant you the title of Over-Aged Good Child for Children's Day.\Man: ‘You become more beautiful after drinking.'\Woman: ‘But I haven't drunk anything.'\Man: ‘I know, but I have.'\‘They were all taught by the same teacher. Why do some students perform very well while others perform poorly? Huh!' The homeroom teacher scolded the class again after the big exam. The class was speechless, when a voice from the corner said: ‘Because the proctors were different.'\One day, a palace eunuch came to Ji Xiaolan's residence to deliver an imperial edict. The eunuch shouted: ‘Minister Ji Xiaolan, come out to receive the edict.' Ji Xiaolan, in the middle of relieving himself, shouted angrily: ‘Hurry the hell up and bring it over, my legs are numb from squatting!'\Do you know how many years in prison the child who wrote ‘Ding Jinhao was here' received after Sun Wukong left his own mark ‘Sun Wukong was here'?\I heard you are acting unusually! Your new pants have been cut, the freshly washed sheets have frames drawn on them, and just-washed face gets deliberately dirtied. When asked why, you don't answer. It turns out it's Children's Day: as long as you are happy, you can freely be childish!\One day, Xiao Ming liked a very beautiful girl and wanted to pursue her. The girl told him: Wait a moment, I need to look in the mirror to see where I grew something bad. Even you want to chase me?\Before graduation, students give teachers small gifts to show their appreciation. Charlie's dad is a wine merchant, and he brought a big box. The teacher saw some liquid leaking from the box, so he dipped a finger into a drop and tasted it. Teacher: ‘Is this champagne?' Charlie: ‘No.' ‘Brandy?' ‘No.' Finally, the teacher said: ‘I won't taste anymore. What did you bring?' Charlie whispered: ‘A puppy!'"Wife: 'If the heavens don't rain soon, I'll offer you to the Dragon King.' \ I couldn't understand it for a moment, so I asked: 'I'm not even a woman, why would the Dragon King want me?' \ Wife said: 'When offering, there must be a pig's head!'
\ One day, my boyfriend and I were making love in the bedroom, he suddenly stopped and said: 'No! I have to tell you a joke. I might forget it if I don't tell you now...' \ I was so angry that I kicked him off the bed! He actually lay on the floor and finished telling the joke...
A goddess posted on Weibo: 'When you go out, don't always let guys pay. Parents generally save for sons and spend for daughters. How do they have more pocket money than us? They're all just faking it.' The next day, the goddess blocked all the guys who reposted this.
My husband doesn't come home often. Yesterday, we finally got together, and before resting, he said: 'Remember to wake me at eleven, I want to talk to you.' I waited at eleven despite being tired, and with a ** heart, I seductively woke him up. He told me: 'Football match started, I'm getting up to watch it.'
Yesterday, the school held an earthquake drill... The evacuation took a total of 4 minutes. Later, during the class summary, the teacher said we could improve next time and be faster. Just then, a voice came from the corner: 'It only takes 20 seconds to get out after school, trust me.'
Last night, the entire neighborhood suddenly lost water and electricity, lasting until this morning. Residents gathered in the property office, agitated and noisy. The property management said they could only wait and couldn't specify the restoration time. Of course, no one accepted this. The property director tried to calm everyone: 'Look, this foreign owner is very civilized and has stayed calm.' Suddenly, this foreign girl spoke fluent Chinese: 'I live on the 30th floor, running down made me tired, let me rest before scolding you.'
Just started work and passing under a bridge, I saw a man with a melancholic expression looking 45° up at the sky. I thought this man must be like me, someone with a story. I couldn't help lifting my head, feeling sentimental. 'Damn, in such cold weather, what kind of stupid woman wears a skirt and stands on the overpass!'
Once, I took my son out to play. I saw an uncle, I said: 'Son, call him Uncle.' Son: 'Uncle.' I saw an aunt, I said: 'Son, call her Aunt.' Son: 'Aunt.' Everyone said my son was polite. That day we ran into an acquaintance, I said: 'Go ahead, call him.'The son was very confused and finally weakly said: 'Ah.'\ Yesterday in PE class, the teacher asked: "Does anyone know how to maintain speed in the middle and last part of the 100 meters?" The classmates debated: "Swing your arms desperately." The teacher nodded: "Exactly! Does anyone know why that is?" A female student muttered: "It creates the illusion of running really fast..."\ In middle school, there was a classmate whose health had always been poor; she was always the one we all took care of. Thinking about it, I hadn't contacted her for many years, and just now she suddenly came online on QQ. I asked, "How have you been recently?" She replied: "I don't have much time left." I was shocked and upset and could hardly accept it, so I asked: "What happened? What's wrong?" Then she calmly replied: "My laptop is out of battery, not much time left, just a few minutes..." Haha\ The boss's wife went on a business trip and brought their little Pomeranian to the office. The dog sniffed a female colleague on the sofa for a long time, suddenly walked behind her, put its front paws on her back, and started... I was shocked; this dog had actually reached heat... Not g-spot, to help the woman, I stepped forward and forcibly pulled the animal away. Surprisingly, the dog softened...\ A young man from the mainland went to see a Zen master and asked: "Zen master, Hong Kong also restricts the purchase of milk powder: buying more than two cans can get you imprisoned, what should I do?" The Zen master closed his eyes and said nothing. The young man asked again. The Zen master slowly said with his eyes closed: "After your wife gets pregnant, go to Hong Kong, buy TMD three cans of milk powder, allow yourself to be caught at the border, in prison you'll be fed and housed, you can safely carry your pregnancy and give birth, thus becoming a Hong Kong person, and the Hong Kong government will provide milk powder!!"\ A minister of Canada's international cooperation department, Xiao Tian, resigned after spending an extra 1,000 CAD of public funds on a business trip, and he also resigned from being a member of Parliament. One item on the expense report was a cup of juice that cost taxpayers 16 CAD. This is hilarious; in China, people would die laughing. Spending this little money, even a village chief would be embarrassed to say it out loud.\ Once, during a high school final exam, I finally finished my biology paper and was about to check the big questions when a proctor (teaching geography) floated over, looked at my paper for a long time, then quickly tapped a few times on the paper. At that moment I suddenly realized something, and decisively changed the answer to that question.Afterwards, I went to the office and looked around, as if no one was there to repay kindness, and said: 'Teacher, how did you know I got that question wrong?' The teacher looked surprised: 'Ah? What? I just wanted to say that this character is written too ugly... too ugly...'
Many years ago, two tailors came to the capital to see the king, claiming they could weave the most beautiful clothes in the world, but foolish people could not see them. Although the king could not see them either, he had to put on a brave face and said, 'Indeed beautiful, indeed beautiful!' The tailors gave a thumbs up and said, 'Your Majesty is truly wise.' The king then said: 'Such beautiful clothes, I will give a set to each girl in my country.'
