Ch apterIn the past two months, I have been adapting to the new environment, quitting my job and changing jobs. I moved to the dormitory and started living a sojourn life again. It's not about likes, it's just about money. I clearly remember the embarrassment of dragging a suitcase alone and not being able to take a taxi with two bags in my hand a week ago. The coldness of winter was oozing with summer sweat. I want to walk gracefully, but my luggage is so heavy that it's difficult.
The confusion I felt when I first lost my job and the feeling of being out of place when I first started working only lasted for a month. I have experienced being touched, misunderstood, cared for, sad or happy.
It turns out that it's not that I don't like the excitement, it's just that I'm used to being alone and have feelings of resistance. I know that nothing I like can last for me, and my life is as monotonous and repetitive as ever.
Can't be too affectionate, can't be too kind. I still haven't learned what society has taught me. Instead, nightclub work has made me see relationships clearly. In the past few days, my mind has been simple and free of distractions, and I have devoted all my energy to my next job.
I can think of my greatest advantage being that my endurance and adaptability exceed my own capabilities. I didn't have time to prepare a coat and caught a cold in early winter. The coldness of late winter begins to invade the bone marrow, and some uneasiness may still lead to a little sadness.
I know that the future I want must be fought for by myself.
————2013.12.06
Chapter 2
A heavy rain has sent us into winter. I am wearing autumn clothes and still missing the tenderness of summer ice cream. In the blink of an eye, I am holding the hot water bottle and needing honeysuckle again.
No matter how gentle the years are, time will cruelly drag us into the abyss, and sudden death at a young age will be in the past.
It's a pity that in such cold weather, there is still no snow in the south. I scratched my knee a month ago and the scab has been scabbing for half a month and it's still not healed yet; winter is not a suitable season for wound healing.
The whole winter is like a slow-forward movie, and no matter how grand the feast is, it all ends in desolation in the process of cooling down with a rain. Half a month ago, I met a girl of the same age on the bus who was dragging heavy luggage. I couldn't bear to help her carry a bucket of things for a long distance on 12cm high heels.
You don't know that at that time I had already walked the edge of a knife-edge road for a day. If I hadn't been kind, I wouldn't have had the insights I gained later.
Anyone who attempts to use the trust of others to achieve his or her own interests does not deserve to be forgiven. Although I am kind, I am not stupid.
Thanks for every experience that has tempered my will and the crueler the more realistic society. A good friend from high school who I haven't contacted in half a year suddenly saw her post on her space two days ago, saying that her baby was about to be one month old. I couldn't bear the sudden interruption.
The earth keeps turning, and time is moving. It is because I have stayed in the same place for too long. In mid-December, 2013 was coming to an end again. My cousin, who was one year younger than me, was about to get married. My relatives around me were joking and wanted to introduce someone to me.
I was startled that I seemed to be only 21 years old and one month old. How can I talk about marriage when I always feel like I have the temper of a child?
I can imagine the embarrassment I felt when I was walking on the road with a lollipop in my mouth and a child asked me if it would be okay to eat it.
I am still young, but still unwilling to grow old.
This year's birthday is still no surprise. There is no cake and no friends.
I really want to find something different this winter from the past.
Text/Su Qianhen QQ: 756287967 Written on 2013.12.17
