[Gossip Tabloid] All Kinds of Innuendo Without Morals (Updating)

(center) She finally decided to confess to her crush, but he told her that he already liked someone. ‘Do you want to see?' She couldn't bear to refuse and said, ‘Okay.' He took out his phone and slowly held it in front of her. What she saw was a reflection—on the screen was her own face. She was moved and looked at him, and seeing her like this, he glanced at his phone and said, ‘Ah, sorry, the screen is black.' ‘……'
A man had been dating his girlfriend for eight years. One day, he proposed: ‘Honey, will you marry me?' The girlfriend shyly said, ‘Ew, who says I'm your wife!' The man jumped up: ‘Damn, so I've been sleeping with someone else's wife for eight years!'
Once, while on a date with his girlfriend, he bought an adult DVD under a bridge during a moment alone. He bargained with the middle-aged seller, made the deal, and tucked it into his coat pocket. That evening, he went to his girlfriend's house for dinner and met his future in-laws for the first time. He dared not raise his head, and his girlfriend teased: ‘What's wrong? I've never seen you so shy.' He muttered quietly, ‘I didn't expect your dad to be selling adult DVDs!'
One day, we went to the grassland for a self-service barbecue. Our colleague, Liu, grilled a few skewers of lamb and held them up to a group of children, asking: ‘Kids, who wants lamb skewers?' Everyone shouted, ‘Me, me!' Liu raised the skewers above his head and shouted, ‘Whoever calls me uncle can have them.' One child reacted quickly and called out first: ‘Uncle, I want some.' Everyone laughed, but Liu didn't. This child was his son.
A classmate walked into the dorm and announced: ‘I'll never buy cigarettes again; I'm going to quit!' Everyone supported him and lent him their own cigarettes.
My mother kindly said to me back then: ‘Good child, once you've learned this skill, you'll never starve.' So my mother taught me how to eat.
On the tram, an old lady smiled at Lei Feng and said: ‘Young man, thank you, may I...' Before she could finish, Lei Feng interrupted: ‘It's nothing, it's what I'm supposed to do!' The old lady paused, wanting to speak again, but Lei Feng waved his hand and stopped her: ‘Don't say it! This is what I should do!' The old lady said softly and sadly: ‘I know this is where you should sit, but may I also sit for a while...'
The world has really changed. Nowadays, when you tell people the truth, they think you're lying; when you lie to them, they think you're joking.You told him a joke, and he actually took it seriously.
When I was very young, I went to the supply and marketing cooperative with my mom to buy things, and there was a bag of stuff that looked like flour at the entrance. I asked my mom what it was, and she said it was sugar. While she wasn't paying attention, I quickly grabbed a handful and stuffed it into my mouth. And the taste is something I'll never forget in my life… it was fertilizer!
One day during self-study, the teacher suddenly got inspired and earnestly lectured us blah blah blah… At the end, he concluded, 'You all should know better by now; each of you is no longer little kids.' Bored, I blurted out, 'Not to mention no longer little kids, the second one isn't little anymore either…' Not controlling my volume, most of the class heard it… The teacher was instantly speechless…
Someone asked a doctor: 'Doctor, how can I live to 100 years old?' Doctor: 'First, quit drinking.' Someone: 'I never drink.' Doctor: 'Second, quit lust.' Someone: 'No woman is attracted to me anyway.' Doctor: 'Third, eat less meat.' Someone: 'I'm a vegetarian!' Doctor: 'Then why do you want to live so long?'
In ninth grade, a lazy guy would sleep in class during the day and stay up all night using the internet with his backpack, then carry it back the next morning as if nothing happened. Someone took advantage of his distraction and replaced the books in his backpack with a brick. He didn't notice and carried the brick to school every day. One day, when he was late, the teacher asked him to take out the Chinese textbook to recite a lesson, and in front of everyone, he pulled out a brick, scaring the teacher back two steps, saying: 'Y-you, you-you, what are you trying to do!'