Time, like light! It pours through the window and falls on the corner of my clothes.\ The train, like light! It takes me to a lonely place.\ Leaving is a kind of searching! Searching for a kind of unexperienced splendor, like a dream, following what is sought, waking up in loneliness only to find it is already the end of life!\ The sunlight is blocked by dense leaves. Walking along the street, accompanied by bouts of headache, I no longer remember how many times I've wandered aimlessly like this. Perhaps the words 'listless' and 'walking corpse' describe me perfectly; I am just like this. In this familiar city, I don't want to work, I don't want to speak. I only want to sleep peacefully, without cold, without warmth.\ Every night of insomnia leads to sleep only at dawn, and waking up always happens past the afternoon. Silently, I stand alone in the wind, and time continues as the days rise and set!\ I want to work, but I can only muster weak energy. I also want to cry, but there is nowhere for tears to fall. Passing through prosperity and noise, watching laughter and joy, I have never experienced what that kind of life is like!\ Young man! Someone asked you where your happiness is. I thought for a long time and replied: My happiness is in dreams!\ Once, during a fortune-telling, I asked where my point of release was. The person told me ‘Three and Seven!' At that time I wondered how there could be two times. I thought it meant March, but I did not expect that it was the beginning of despair. As for July, I don't know if I will still be here then. If I am, where will I be?\ My life is nothing more than waiting. People compete, the battlefield draws its butcher knives, and yet I quietly wait!\ Passing by an ice cream shop by the road, the clerk shouted onto the street. I turned around, saw the tourists passing by, saw the clerk's unchanged smile, standing there in a daze. Later, I heard the laughter of passersby, as if laughing at me, laughing at my foolishness, laughing at the lust in my eyes! A gust of wind tousled my hair, and I suddenly felt deep sorrow. Sorrow exists in every heart, growing deeper. Thinking of tomorrow's passing, sorrow and regret exist only in one's own heart; others cannot see them, and one cannot even imagine it oneself!\ Later, I walked quietly over and bought a cup of cola!Drinking Coca-Cola, I looked up at the golden sunlight, and in my heart the light seemed to reflect on an endless water surface, yet in my eyes, it looked like it fell on a bronze mirror, showing confusion. Standing under the sunlight, I suddenly didn't know where to go. For some reason, I felt that I had nothing, not a single place to stay! Perhaps I know why! It's just that I choose not to know for the sake of everything in my heart.
There are always too many invisible bonds on the road of life. I don't want to be a puppet controlled by others. Apart from a heart that can only struggle and leap, isn't one's own life itself like that of a puppet? A path to freedom may require many years to defend, but who can bear this loneliness and persistence? It is like being an undercover agent in life—either die alone without anyone knowing, or reach the end, only for it to be the outcome for one person! Summer does not have the snow of winter, and those who go against the current are destined to have only one outcome!
Year after year, we smell the fragrance of life in everything; in the rain and wind, we watch flowers and wonder how to be at peace. In dreams, quietly meeting myself, the cycle of life leads us into lifetime after lifetime. The future we force, the unchanging affairs, listening to the wind and rain, searching and seeking—where do we go? Who determines my life? If I could meet myself in dreams, is it the beginning of me telling the story of life, or in the dream hearing me tell the end of a lifetime?
Years gallop with time, intentions fade with age; we rise with the wind and leave with gentleness.
I feel like a lifeless person waiting for nightfall. It is the drive of escape that urges me to journey far, yet the same drive crushes my soul. I don't want to hope for tomorrow, nor hear any words. Perhaps only inexplicable waiting and silence can prove that I am not an arranged puppet!
If there were no restrictions on the soul, I would surely smile, yet such restraint feels so normal! And yet so ridiculous. So powerful, yet so insignificant!
This insignificance as seen in your eyes is destined to make me sad for a lifetime. I remain silent for myself, and find this insignificant restraint laughable!
