Cold Joke Collection (Follow-up Posts Included) Has Been Organized

Here are all kinds of cold jokes, laugh to death without taking responsibility. Requesting admin to pin \1: A true story from last autumn. I received a text from an unknown number saying, 'It's cold, wear more clothes when you go out.' At first glance, I felt warm inside and replied, 'Who is this?' Unexpectedly, the reply was: 'I'm your dad.' Seeing my little hot temper, I was instantly angry—no one dared to joke with me like this. I called directly: 'Who the hell are you!'… Ah, Dad, it's you, I'm really sorry… After hanging up, I saved this number, father-in-law. \2: Power outage in Shenzhen. Last night I was watching 3D 'Titanic,' and just as the ship was sinking, the screen went black, power out! Someone shouted, 'What the hell! Why is the power out?' Another guy shushed him, saying, 'Why shout! Country bumpkin, this is 3D letting you experience the real feeling of dying...' \3: (Mom forcing Dad to quit smoking) After dinner, Dad got a craving for a cigarette and sneaked one at the door while Mom was washing dishes. Maybe he was too engrossed in smoking; the last puff hadn't even been exhaled when he came back in, and Mom saw it. Mom: 'What are you doing!' Dad: 'I'm not smoking!' Mom: 'Then what is that you just exhaled!' Dad: 'Clouds' \4: Helping a buddy move, while lifting a cabinet, I felt it was heavy and said a hometown-accented phrase ('Wow, it's so heavy!') The buddy probably didn't understand much and just replied, 'Don't say wow, don't say wow, if you say it, it'll fall apart!' At that moment, I felt an ache inside, my strength instantly gone o(≧▽≦)o \5: 'Boss, is your lamb skewer fresh?' Boss: 'Don't worry about that, the pig was just slaughtered last night!' \6: Baidu search: 'Why did my phone still break when I threw it from the sixth floor even though it was in airplane mode!' Genius reply: 'Because it has no driver!'Next time when you throw it, if you sit on it yourself, it won't break. \7: True story. One evening, a silly friend of mine brought her new boyfriend and invited a few of us friends to have barbecue. My silly friend was holding another friend's child, teasing the kid, and while teasing she said to me, 'The kid's skin is just so nice, so soft. Sigh, why is it that for adults it's not nice, doesn't feel good.' I was looking down at my phone at the time and without raising my head, I said, 'It's not uncomfortable for you, it's comfortable for others.' There was silence for a few seconds, I curiously looked up and saw her boyfriend's meaningful gaze, and then we all burst out laughing. I… didn't mean anything. \8: The cannibal clan leader got sick, and the doctor told him he should eat lighter and more vegetables to regulate his stomach. As a result… the next day, the nurse told the doctor all the vegetative patients in the ward were gone… \9: This morning, there was an earthquake at school! I remembered the teacher always said to hide under a desk during an earthquake. I instantly made a decision, sprinted all the way, and ran from the playground into the classroom. I was so damn smart. \10: Today I went to my buddy's place, his seven-year-old son was mumbling and singing something, then I listened carefully—'Medicine, medicine, medicine, check it out~ find a girl to hook up!!' Kids these days really know how to keep rhythm. \Posts continued:\11: My father suddenly came into my room and asked seriously, 'Son, are you happy?' I replied without thinking, 'Yeah, I'm happy.' My father immediately turned and slapped my mother in the face: 'And you still say he's not the son of Old Fu next door?!' \12: When Germany scored four goals in the first 20-some minutes of the first half, I thought it was a replay, and mentally cursed: 'Do you have to show the replay four times after scoring a goal?' \13: The German team collected 7 Dragon Balls, summoned Shenron, and Shenron asked, 'How many more goals do you want to score?' Germany said, 'Please let Brazil score one, otherwise we can't leave the field!' Final: 1:7. \14: One day, the old hen was leisurely incubating her eggs. Suddenly, an egg suddenly popped out from below. The hen saw it and asked curiously, 'What's wrong? It's not time yet!' The egg, panting heavily, said, 'You… you farted.' \15: Q: How do you say apple in English? A: apple. Wrong, everyone knows it's iPhone! Then asked: How do you say Big Apple in English? A: big apple. Wrong again! Everyone knows it's iPad!\16: One day, Xiao Ming went to a street stall to buy a watch and found that a POLO watch was only 99 yuan. He was so happy that he bought it. The next day at school, his classmates thought the pattern on Xiao Ming's POLO watch was very strange. It was supposed to show someone sitting on a horse holding a mallet, but Xiao Ming's pattern actually showed someone holding a flag! \So, Xiao Ming went to the store owner, who looked at him with a surprised expression and said: "Kid, congratulations! Others have normal watches, yours is the captain's!" \17: Who do you love more, Dad or Mom? \A friend, a man, asked his son: Who do you love more, Dad or Mom? The child thought for a moment and said: Mom. At this time, the father lifted his chest and said: You actually love Mom more. Look, you drank all my milk, and your Mom still has so much left. The child was very moved and said: Dad is the best! \18: [Three Kingdoms Revelation] 1. Liu Bei's experience tells us: a corporate president can start from street vending. 2. Zhuge Liang: working in a private company actually has more room for development than in a state-owned enterprise. 3. Lü Bu: frequently changing jobs directly leads to no boss daring to hire you. 4. Cao Cao: if you want to achieve great things in the market, you must first strongly follow national policies. 5. Da Qiao and Xiao Qiao: men who are talented, wealthy, and handsome generally cannot stay with you till the end. \19: Long-term corruption of officials remains ineffective, and a wise person offered a five-character trick: employ only eunuchs! Three reasons: 1. Eliminate sexual scandals, completely reform the image of officials; 2. Eliminate "second-generation officials," completely reform the image of the bureaucracy; 3. Greatly reduce people who want to become officials, completely solve the phenomenon of ten thousand people competing for one civil servant position. \20: Recently, my son has learned quite a few metaphorical sentences and really likes to use them. \One day, A came to my house to play. A is a fair and chubby woman, who has recently tanned a lot, probably due to the hot weather. \As soon as A arrived, she liked to play with my son. \A: Long time no see, did you miss Auntie? \Son: Mm hmm \A: Can you see any changes in Auntie? \Son: The fat pig turned into a pork chop. \... \This child's metaphor learning is pretty good. \The post isn't finished yet, will continue when I have time! \If you think it's good, just give it a flower.