Crooked version of The Return of the Condor Heroes 1. Background Hello everyone, my name is Yang Guo, originally named Yang Jing. Because when my mother gave birth to me, there happened to be a sheep named Jing. At first, everyone called me Ajing. After becoming famous, I began to wander the martial world. Since I was from Guangdong, everyone affectionately called me Yue Jing. I always found it awkward to hear, so I simply changed my name to Yang Guo. From the moment I was born, I never saw my parents. When I was eight, a man named "The Return of the Condor Heroes the Great Blind" took me in. He was Guo Jing. Guo Jing was blind, and very blind, unable to see anything, so the neighbors all called him "Big Blind." The Great Blind had a special skill: carving. The ox he carved never looked like a person, nor did the rabbit he carved look like a wolf, so people in the martial world called him 'Divine Condor the Great Blind.' Guo Jing's wife was a madwoman, and she would sing to everyone: 'I'm not Huang Rong......' In fact, she was Huang Rong. Neighbors affectionately called her behind her back: 'Wretch.' So after I became famous, people in the martial world gave the three of us the nickname: 'One Cheap Twin Eagles.' Guo Jing's eldest daughter's surname was Guo, Guo Fu. The youngest daughter was also surnamed Guo, but Guo Xiang. It was truly a stroke of luck. Guo Fu wasn't originally called Guo Fu, but Guo Furong. I often called her Sister Furong behind my back. When she found out, she was very angry and even took off one of my left hands. Her mother got even angrier when she found out. Because she happened to be no longer crazy today, she also unexpectedly discovered that her daughter's name actually contained the character "Rong" (Rong). So Guo Furong could only be called Guo Fu. Guo Xiang was very mischievous from a young age, so Guo Jing often sent her to drive geese. Because of her poor memory and forgetfulness, she often lost the geese. I gave her the nickname "Goose Without Little Sister." Decades later, Guo Xiang developed her own school, known worldwide as the "Goose Never School." Guo Xiang's grandfather was like Huang Rong: surname Huang, given name Yaoshi, and we all called him Huang Yaoshi. Huang Yaoshi was a skilled writer and a well-known writer on Qidian. Because he lived on Peach Blossom Island in the East China Sea, people in the martial world called him "Dongxie Huang Yaoshi." He once wrote a famous line: 'The water of Peach Blossom Pool is three thousand feet deep, but it cannot compare to Wang Han's farewell to me.' From this, it is clear that Huang Yaoshi and Wang Han had a deep friendship!He was also environmentally friendly and deeply loved the island's peach blossoms, and once wrote the following poem: Outside the Peach Blossom Hermitage is Peach Blossom Dock, inside there is a nun. Nuns and monks are of the same path; you go bald, I also look up. Huang Yaoshi was truly a talented scholar of his generation! Even Wei Hui praised him: "What a poem!" So wet! Good! Wet! Huang Yaoshi was also a very sentimental person; his wife died early, and he never remarried. His autobiography "A Little Bad with Peach Blossom Eyes" describes his more than ten years of loving relationship with his wife. 2. Adoptive Father When I was twelve, I met my adoptive father, Ouyang Feng. Ouyang Feng was not mad; he was half-mute. Because at thirty, he accidentally contracted a virus called the "pinching fungus." Since then, his throat often couldn't make sound. Whenever he got sick, besides being unable to speak, his throat hurt unbearably, requiring heroin for relief. Therefore, he was nicknamed "Addict Ouyang Madness" in the martial world. 3. Mount Hua Mount Huashan is a mountain. It is also a famous tourist destination. Because Mount Hua is also home to many nationally protected wild animals—the sika deer. Mount Hua is also very famous, so it must be very tall, even higher than Gao Village. Therefore, the sika deer must leap up and down the mountain, creating a unique scenic spot. Hence the saying: Since ancient times, a deer has leapt over Mount Hua. One day decades ago, clear, without rain. Under the vast blue sky, two white clouds drifted. Mount Hua was bustling. Because Dong Xie Huang Yaoshi came, my adoptive father Ou Feng, a drug addict, also came, and even Hong Qi came. Hong Qi was the leader of the Beggar Sect. He was known as the beggar among beggars. Legend has it that at least one beggar is worth five. They all came to attend the "Huashan Social Forum." The report said the forum's theme was: On the deep impact of human despicability on the orbit of the Harley-Hui satellite. So it's also called "Huashan Discussing Baseness." 4. On Huashan on Baseness. The first day of the Talk. Clear, no clouds. Many leaders went on stage to speak. Many people in the audience were confused and drowsy. The leaders probably didn't quite understand what their scripts were about. The conference finally ended, and everyone was very happy. The next day, still clear.There were still many leaders and well-known scholars who went on and on with long-winded speeches. Most of it was boastful and flashy. Hong Qi, unable to stand it, went on stage and shouted: 'Don't think you're cultured and all that great, okay? If you have the ability, recite this poem I wrote casually:
醢灋蕺匒傠才蟽囐囃躠歙凞壒僛鬕发躠攨魶靸韈才囐囃觰灋畿軜.'
Many self-proclaimed cultured writers, leaders, and writers-pretenders were left speechless.
On the third day, it was sunny again, and annoyingly so. Sure enough, the conference was even more irritating than the weather.
Suddenly, a middle-aged woman ran in; she was a farmer living at the foot of Mount Hua. Today, she was very angry because half a bucket of pig manure from her house was missing, and she suspected someone from the conference had stolen it.
She shouted fiercely: 'If you have no talent, just write your articles well. Maybe you can become a "great writer" or something. So why did the authors have to steal my pig manure? How shameful!'
No one said a word, and the conference ended in gloom.
On the fourth day, it was still sunny.
The meteorological bureau said: 'Please, could we have a cloudy day? We've forecasted a month of cloudy days and failed. If our skill doesn't improve, even the ignorant audience will abandon us.'
So heaven had to give in; by noon, the sky started turning cloudy.
Not just cloudy, but dark and heavy, with thunder and lightning.
In movies, such weather always means something happens.
And sure enough, something major happened at the conference today.
The leaders silently kept their mouths shut, leaving only Hong Qi and a few others arguing fiercely.
They were all competing for the Annual Best Writer, as the winner would become a judge for next year's Super Girl competition.
Huang Yaoshi said: 'I am a famous writer with many fans. Who am I afraid of?'
Ouyang Feng said: 'Ah... I... I... I...' Actually, he was mute and couldn't talk.
Hong Qi was furious, didn't say a word, and threw a teacup lid at them.
Ouyang Feng and Huang Yaoshi instantly fell to the ground.
An ambulance came, and the meeting ended abruptly.
Summary of the meeting theme: There was no theme, basically no different from previous ones.
Hong Qi became instantly famous in the martial arts world for injuring two top experts with a teacup lid. Everyone called him Hong Qigong.
After the Hua Shan Humiliation Forum, a saying began to spread through the martial arts world: 'Eastern writing and drug use are no match for a teacup lid.'5. Learning
I studied carving at Guo Jing's house, and at the same time, my foster father also taught me a lot of martial arts.
The teacher said that learning is very complicated; it cannot be fully explained or understood in half a day or a few words.
So please see Episode Six, "Graduation."
6. Graduation
The time had come.
It was also time for me to graduate.
7. Apprenticeship Completed
On the day I completed my apprenticeship, Guo Jing unexpectedly became very generous.
He gave me a donkey.
The donkey, like Guo Jing, was also blind. I called it Blind Donkey.
It is said that this donkey is quite famous, from Guizhou, and was once ridden by Liu Zongyuan.
Even though it is a blind donkey, I was very happy, because after all, I was connected to a great literary figure.
So I bid farewell to everyone and set out to roam the martial world on the donkey.
After becoming famous, my friends in the martial world gave me a nickname:
Divine Eagle Blind Donkey!
