I met Jamon in the tall thickets.\ Jamon, Paul Jamon, Paul Jamon of the Caesar family, the only handsome prince of this kingdom.\ I chose to meet Jamon on a night when the full moon was high in the sky. Around me was a vast silence, with only insects and birds whispering softly.\ From this position, I could see the brightly lit palace and hear the distant cheers and dances. All this splendor and celebration was to mark Jamon's 18th birthday ceremony.\ Jamon, my dear prince, today I choose to meet you on the only night of your life at 18.\ I once knelt before God, unwilling to rise for a long time.\ God looked at me with deep and long eyes and said, "Cynthia, do you really wish to give up eternal immortality, abandon your identity as a goddess, for an unknown mortal man?"\ I nodded firmly; he is not just a mortal man, he is Jamon.\ God shook His head and said, "I can grant your wish, but you must understand that from now on, you will become the size of the palm of a hand. You will need the true love of your beloved to nurture your bloodline and grow into an ordinary woman in the mortal world. As long as his love exists, your life will exist. Once his love no longer exists, you will wither in the scope of his indifference, and finally transform into a night-watching angel, wandering alone in the wilderness while all living beings sleep."\ Tears flowed from my eyes for this unknown gamble.\ I am Cynthia, the Moon Goddess, and God is my father Zeus.\ And Jamon is the only lover who once betrayed me and whom I mistakenly killed, Erion.\ 2\ Apollo once disdainfully said to me, "What you love is only a lonely body; in his heart, there will never be the eternity you hope for."\ Erion was my servant, a man with blue eyes. I admired him, but he was completely unaware. Amid my hidden admiration, he fell in love with a mortal princess. He thought of her day and night, was anxious for her, and even crossed mountains and rivers for her. I watched painfully as the man I loved suffered for the woman he loved, my heart torn like a knife.\ He did not understand my feelings, yet for someone else he gave the deepest of emotions.\ He always left me with tears of loss, yet entrusted his feelings to someone else to destroy.When he returned from visiting the princess he loved from the sea, Apollo said, "Cynthia, you boast that your skills are unmatched. Can you hit that apple in the middle of the sea?"
I laughed, "Don't talk about an apple. Even if there is a flying bee over the sea, I can hit it every time."
I aimed at the distant target, picked up my bow and arrow, and released it.
Suddenly, I heard a voice calling my name... The bow in my hand fell to the ground immediately. I saw the man I loved most struggling under the arrow I was proudest of. In his final moments, he called my name.
Erion, my beloved, my deepest love, died by my hand.
In this life, there is no Erion with blue eyes.
At this time, he is the magnificent Jamon, the prince of the Caesar family, Paul Jamon.
I am willing to give up eternal life for him, forsake my noble goddess identity, and become a tiny sprite in the palm of his hand, waiting for him, to save me with his love.
I chose to encounter him on this night, at his 18th coming-of-age celebration.
Everything has its predestined course. The gods say that everything can be controlled, except for love.
Especially the love of mortal men, which is the most precious and shortest-lived treasure, because it can make everything vibrant, but because of it, everything can also fall apart.
Everything can be controlled—life, encounters, reincarnation—but love alone cannot be controlled. The gods looked into my determined eyes once again and gave their final advice. I smiled, slipped into the night, arranged my expression, waiting for this night to arrive, my Erion.
Jamon arrived as expected and saw me, waiting in the bushes for a long time. I think he must have been flustered or confused by my appearance. Because I now look only the size of a palm; he is slightly drunk, and I watch his handsome face with tenderness. He is so innocent, so clear. In our past lives, he has long forgotten, and he will not believe that the woman in gorgeous clothes before him is Cynthia, the moon goddess who loved him to the bone but ended his life.
"Who are you, little girl?" He squatted down, curiously looking at me. "How can you be so small?"
"Who am I?" I chuckled. "My dear Prince Jamon, it doesn't matter who I am. I am here specifically waiting for you."He was even more curious, waiting for me? Yes, waiting for you. Once said, these words suddenly felt a bit bittersweet. Dear prince, may I dance for you? Of course. Jamon sat beside a large tree, resting his chin on his hand, looking at me with a lively sparkle. At that moment, from afar in the palace, the music of the Rumba came, intense and lofty. Just this song then! I danced to the music, the florets on my body drifting down in an instant, my wide skirt spinning gracefully. Jamon watched in a daze, reaching out to hold me. His hand was so large, so warm, making me feel a bit entranced for a moment. Then I turned to escape, but in the blink of an eye, I disappeared from Jamon's sight. A pure white glove slipped into his hand. "Hey, lovely girl? Don't be afraid, I won't hurt you…" Jamon thought his recklessness had scared me and looked around in regret. I hid behind a large tree, watching his anxious figure. Jamon, forgive me, I cannot get too close to you too soon. I can only rely on your true love to wait for the sole chance of life. I saw Jamon muttering helplessly to himself, "I must be drunk, how could such a vision appear…" But, but in his hand was that clearly white glove, still carrying my warmth.
In love, there is no nobility or pride. Only patient waiting. My love. I cannot be certain whether Jamon could have an exclusive affection for me. Regarding Jamon, I have no firm courage, only restless speculation. Perhaps this encounter for him was just one of countless encounters. Moreover, with my weak body and mind full of concerns, I cannot be like the women around him—smiling without guile, crying unrestrainedly. My fate is tightly grasped by me, to be presented before Jamon, relying on his true love to complete it. Would he hold me in his heart? I will wait at the places where I encounter him, waiting for his return. This seems like a gamble risking everything; if I win, it will be a splendor, if I fail, I will be doomed. Such a stake.
On the second night, the night was as cold as water; he did not come. The birthday celebration must have exhausted him; he needs to rest… On the third night, with birds chirping and flowers fragrant, he still did not come.The palace was full of strict guards; he probably couldn't come out casually...\ On the fourth night, with a cool breeze blowing, he still hadn't come. Perhaps some trivial matters had delayed him...\ On the fifth night, everything was calm and quiet. I fell into panic... maybe he had forgotten me...\ If he did not appear within seven days, I would be doomed to fall into the abyss of reincarnation, forever losing the chance to be with him. This is an inscrutable heavenly secret—he would not understand, and I could not tell anyone.\ —My dear girl, it turns out that all of this really is not an illusion.\ Like a sudden thunderclap tearing across my already cooled sky, I lifted my drooping, despairing head—heavens! I could hardly believe my eyes; it was the misty-eyed Jean-Mont smiling at me.\ He, on the sixth night, came to me at the edge of helpless despair, his face full of confusion and delight. I could barely contain myself. Instantly, tears of grievance streamed down my face. Jean-Mont knelt on one knee, gently held my hand, and said, 'I always thought you were a hallucination after I got drunk. When I woke, I laughed at myself for such absurdity, for the romance I had concocted. But these past few days, your shadow has been spinning in my mind. It's really strange—never has a woman occupied my thoughts for so long. Until today, I suddenly realized that inside the clothes I wore that night, there really was a white glove. Only then did I realize—you were not a hallucination. So I had to come find you again.'\ 'Of course, of course, my prince. Do you know how panicked and helpless I was waiting for your return? But I couldn't say any of this aloud; I just cried in grievance, my tears covering my face.' Jean-Mont held my hand tightly; it hurt a little, but I couldn't bear to pull away.\ 'Are you an angel sent by heaven for me?'\ I was taken aback. Angel... No, no, Jean-Mont, how could I be an angel? Only when you wrong me in our love would I be punished as a night-watch angel. Now, I am the moon goddess waiting for the redemption of your love.\ I shook my head and, with a troubled expression facing Jean-Mont, said, 'You are a prince, and I am only an ordinary girl. Only here could I possibly get close to you.'\ 'What is your name?' Jean-Mont kissed the hand I held in his.\Cynthia...\ When I finished saying my own name, I suddenly felt strange in my body, as if millions of blood cells were about to surge out, and I noticed that Jamon was getting closer and closer. Suddenly, in a dizzy moment, I was already at a distance right in front of him... My God, I actually, stood gracefully right in front of Jamon's eyes. My eyes were already at the level of his mouth...\ I had finally become a normal woman.\ Jamon said joyfully, Cynthia! Cynthia! I never thought that Heaven would bless me with someone as beautiful as you! I have to believe that this is fate; you are sent to me by Heaven.\ I could not hide the overwhelming joy flowing through me. My cheeks flushed scarlet. Happiness came so suddenly that I was not yet able to handle it.\ Jamon said, Cynthia, would you like to be my princess, accompanying me by my side every day?\ Of course, of course, of course, even if not a princess, even if nothing at all, having your love is enough for me... I could not help but shed tears again. Jamon cheerfully asked, Are you willing?\ I nodded and took the white glove from his hand. Now it fits only one of my fingers. I smiled, ready to throw it away. Jamon said, No, I want to keep it as an eternal memento. It is because of it that I gained such a beautiful and delightful princess.\ I gently looked at Jamon for a long while and asked, Dear prince, I hope your love is not just a sudden passion.\ Young men are often prone to bursts of enthusiasm. I cannot endure calmness that comes with maturity.\ Jamon looked at me seriously and said, Cynthia, I am not a sudden passion. I have never thought about a person for more than a day. But you, you have occupied every moment of my past six days. To prove my sincerity, I want to hold a grand celebration immediately to congratulate myself for finding the girl I love.\ In an instant, the sky was filled with fireworks.\5\ Everyone in the palace was talking, The prince has gone mad.\ When Jamon took my hand and passed through layer after layer of the palace until we reached his father, King Caesar.\ The king was kind and generous. After hearing Jamon's excited account, he only smiled and asked, Are you willing to bear long-lasting responsibility for what you said today?Of course, I am willing, Zhan Meng said, holding my hand firmly with a resolute gaze. I am willing to love this woman by my side forever.
Then, very well, this beautiful young lady can be your princess.
The whole country rejoiced. The prince had found the one he loved.
Millions of women who admired the prince felt their hearts turn to ashes. In their kingdom, the finest man, Zhan Meng, had a heart belonging to someone—a woman named Cynthia, of humble origins.
There was no shortage of doubt and suspicion: Where did this mysteriously positioned woman come from? How did she capture the prince's heart at first sight? What was her purpose? …
I have no purpose; love is my only demand.
That night, we danced all night in the palace, weaving through the crowd, dancing until dawn.
Zhan Meng's ardent love completely overwhelmed me. I blossomed in his embrace.
Zhan Meng declared solemnly, "Cynthia, I love you. I am willing to spend a lifetime loving you."
When Zhan Meng fell asleep, I quietly swore to the sky: If possible, I truly wish to die at this moment full of affection, to let everything freeze forever.
Every day, from morning till night, Zhan Meng stayed by my side. We sang hymns together, watered the plants together, and strolled under the sunlight together. Everyone who saw me would see the smile spread across my face. Gradually, all people grew fond of me, including those who had once maliciously speculated and doubted me. For my smile was warmer than the moon. And, Zhan Meng shone even brighter than before.
We also discussed poetry and melodies, even the territory of the nation and the people's aspirations. Zhan Meng would usually listen to my insights with a smile, then exclaim with emotion, "I am truly grateful to heaven for giving me such a perfect you."
I smiled silently. Zhan Meng, Zhan Meng, I only wish your love continues for a long time, fulfilling our mission in this lifetime. Then, you and I can attain eternity.
However, I saw Elisa.
I sensed some potential danger.
Elisa, a mysterious woman whose arrival in the palace I do not know, had a mesmerizing, fiery red hair. Her face showed no expression. Sometimes she would appear in our field of vision, and other times, she would vanish without a trace.One night, while we were taking a walk, we suddenly ran into Eliza. She hurriedly lowered her head and slipped past, and Jamon's eyes followed her figure. Then, he asked me in confusion, 'Who is this red-haired woman?'\ I looked into Jamon's puzzled eyes and felt a bit sad. I am not a selfish woman, but when Jamon's eyes followed Eliza, my heart was truly wrenched.\ Counting the days, I had been with Jamon for several hundred days and nights. During this inseparable time, Jamon had almost never left my side. I had thought happiness was so easy, almost overlooking the most dreadful enemy—time.\ That night, I tossed and turned in Jamon's embrace, my mind filled almost entirely with Eliza's fiery red hair and strange expressions.\7\ After that encounter, I didn't see Eliza for a long time.\ Jamon seemed to have forgotten about it and continued to stay devotedly by my side.\ Perhaps I was indeed too troubled, but a shadow began growing in the waves of my heart from that moment on, sprouting branches, and my smile was no longer purely bright.\ Jamon didn't notice; he is too happy a child, and such children often fail to see the dust that lingers around them.\ Lately, he had devoted all his energy to the kind king. The king had weakened with age, and Jamon did not leave his side. I did the same—I liked accompanying Jamon, slicing an apple for the old king under his smiling gaze, or telling him a joke.\ Then one night, I suddenly saw Eliza in front of me. She smiled at me with disdain and said, 'Dear Moon Goddess, do you still remember me?'\ I searched my memory but could not find any information about this woman.\ Eliza continued, 'Erlong loves me. This has always bothered you. You think he loves me and not you simply because he met me first. In this world, you met him first. If you lose to me again, you can't blame anyone. Hahaha…'\ A shiver woke me up—it had just been a dream.\ So Eliza was the princess Jamon had once been infatuated with.\ My heart ached. How could I have forgotten her?And in the cycle of reincarnation, the three of us met again. It seems this is a destined entanglement, impossible to escape no matter what. I finally understood why Zhanmeng was infatuated when he saw Eliza—it turned out to be a memory he could never forget forever…
Zhanmeng is right beside me, sleeping peacefully, the moonlight pouring through the window onto his face. How innocent he is, how naive. I hold him, my beloved man, and cannot help but weep. I hope your memory does not wake too soon, and I hope your emotions know how to control themselves in time…
There is still a month left until the old king's 70th birthday. Zhanmeng plans to hold a grand celebration. We begin all the preparations together, planning side by side. I think of my father—my father, a man whose majesty and solemnity are known throughout the world, someone people revere and admire. Yet my love for the old king is not any less than that. He is so kind, so enlightened. Under his rule, the country is well-organized and peaceful, and he raised such a lovable Zhanmeng.
Zhanmeng said that this ceremony must be more spectacular than any previous royal celebration. He loves his father so deeply that he wants all his subjects to share in his love for him.
While we enthusiastically watched the fireworks rehearsal, news suddenly arrived: the old king had passed away.
For nearly ten minutes, Zhanmeng and I were both frozen.
Then we heard cries from all over the country.
Zhanmeng, pale-faced, looked at me and said, “Cynthia, why is this happening? Why is the crying endless?”
I stepped forward grievingly and touched Zhanmeng's frozen face, saying with heartache, “Zhanmeng, my dear, the king is gone.”
I saw Zhanmeng collapse before me. He stumbled toward the king's palace, struggling with every step, yet moving like an arrow loosed from a bow. I couldn't catch up with him. He really is a fragile child. Perhaps it is better to let him be alone in front of the father he loved most and cry freely.
I leaned against the wall, a chill running down my spine, and suddenly realized how fragile human life truly is. No emotion can withstand the ravages of time. No wonder humans long so much for divine eternity. I glanced at the pale sky, and a sense of ominous pain suddenly pierced my chest.This pain lasted until the day of the old king's funeral.
I hadn't seen Jamon at all.
I didn't dare to ask about his whereabouts, understanding his profound grief and knowing it couldn't be touched lightly.
It wasn't until the day of the funeral, amidst the nation's mourning, that I saw my Jamon, standing there with a dazed expression, supported by two ministers. When the old king neared death, he had already drafted a will, leaving Jamon to inherit his throne and continue governing their country. Since a country cannot go a day without a king, Jamon was proclaimed the new king on the day of the funeral. Paul Jamon, King Caesar XIII.
Grief mingled with joy. The sadness was so overwhelming that joy was impossible.
My Jamon was no longer a carefree prince; the entire burden of the nation had been laid upon him too early.
I, clad in black, walked up to Jamon and slipped my hand into his arm. The minister who had been supporting him bowed his head, showing a somewhat strange expression as he saluted me, then stepped behind us. Jamon's body trembled slightly—the sudden change had forced him to grow quickly. In just a few days, a layer of sorrowful maturity and reluctant worldly wisdom had already appeared on his face.
The funeral procession was long, and we had to accompany it all the way until the king was successfully laid to rest. That segment of the road seemed endless. Jamon insisted on walking, refusing to ride the prepared carriage.
Suddenly, I felt as if a thousand-mile distance separated Jamon and me.
How could this be? How could this be? Our arms were clearly linked tightly together.
At that moment, a horse sped past us, ridden by a red-haired woman whose eyes were sharply focused ahead. When she passed by, she looked back at us briefly and left a sentence: 'New king, your melancholy is truly captivating.'
Alisa. It was Alisa. At a moment like this, she appeared as an unneeded ripple in this stagnant water.
I kept my eyes on Alisa's retreating figure, not noticing that Jamon had actually mounted a horse and chased after her.
I lost my sense of direction. O heavens. Didn't he clearly say he would accompany the old king on this final stretch? Didn't he clearly see that I was also by his side, walking this road together with him?He is not... At this moment, I clearly heard the discussions behind me: this demoness, she wants to seduce the new king again, these past few days, she comes to bother the king every day, it's really too much...\ No wonder, no wonder the ministers gave such strange looks when they saw me. Could it be that Zhan Meng suddenly feels like a world apart from me?\ My chest twisted in pain. How could I accept the successive blows in front of me? I felt dizzy, and a maid supported me, saying, 'Your Majesty, are you alright?'\ I let out a bitter, strained smile and shook my head.\ Ahead, there was a small obstacle, and the whole group came to a halt. The maid helped me sit on the horse. Weakly, I held onto the horse, beads of sweat forming on my forehead, my vision a bit blurred. But I saw Zhan Meng, he had returned.\ The ministers told Zhan Meng that my face looked terrible, I might not be able to handle it physically.\ I insisted on getting off the horse and once again grabbed Zhan Meng's arm tightly, as if clinging to life itself. I didn't want to ask him why he left me behind, nor why he suddenly became so cold... Yet, Zhan Meng seemed indifferent to my joy or sorrow, just gave me a cold, detached glance. My heart felt like it was being cut with a knife. Zhan Meng, why is this?\ The obstacle was cleared, and everyone started moving again. Zhan Meng walked fast, so fast I couldn't keep up. In the distance, I saw Alisa again, smirking provocatively, then riding off swiftly. Darkness fell before my eyes, my body seemed to shrink gradually, sweat pouring down my back. Zhan Meng didn't notice any change in me and continued walking rapidly. I couldn't help it and softly said, 'Dear Zhan Meng, I'm so tired, I can't go on. Could you slow down?'\ Zhan Meng frowned and said, 'Cynthia, your dress is too long.'\ It really was my dress being too long. I tripped slightly and let go of Zhan Meng's arm. Without turning his head, Zhan Meng continued forward with the group. The scorching sun beat down on me, on my gradually shrinking body. The unbearable pain hit me; I saw myself losing miserably in a willingly taken gamble. I had been too confident, thinking that an impossible permanence in the secular world would happen to me. But now, the harsh reality was right in front of my eyes: I had no thoughts, no words, no support.Night suddenly fell, and all was silent. I lay on the ground, this woman, completely shattered by love, had nothing on her mind but breathing.\ A flash of golden light appeared—God, my father—standing before me.\ "Cynthia, my child. You really are obstinate."\ Hearing these words, my tears surged like a raging tide. I cried aloud, asking, "Why? Why? Please tell me why. Please tell me what I did wrong."\ God said, "Silly child, it's not that you did not do enough. No one can control love, not even me, the gods of the world. Do you know that? You two were only one day away, 1,000 days, from cultivating an eternal bond. But just that one day, he couldn't make it through. That one day not only caused you to have to be an eternal night watch angel but also condemned him to fall into the cycle of reincarnation forever, suffering all the pains of the mortal world."\ I closed my eyes and accepted the inescapable fate.\ 10\ I became a night watch angel. Whenever all living things drifted into sweet dreams, I would fly throughout the heavens.\ I had no emotions, no awareness. I was just an angel, guarding the black night, day after day.\ When I was tired, I would sit on a weary cloud, looking down at the world. There were always corners where all kinds of stories unfolded. You betrayed me, I owed you, it's so exhausting.\ Perhaps I should sing a song, MOONRIVER? Or something else?\ Glancing to the side, I saw a familiar figure, a face I never wanted to see again, yet I couldn't help but look in the unnoticed night.\ I saw a trace of red beside him. — A hurt-hearted, slight smile.\ I saw signs of a newcomer in his arms. — A hurt-hearted, slight smile.\ I saw him repeating words he once said to others, making the newcomer's smile bloom like a flower. — A hurt-hearted, slight smile.\ I saw his walking figure, now with a brand-new companion. — A hurt-hearted, slight smile.\ …\ The newcomer wanted a single pearl; he had someone search the whole country. — Bitter resentment in the heart.\ The newcomer wanted exotic fruits; he had someone search the entire fields. — Bitter resentment in the heart.The newcomer wanted an ivory bed inlaid with jewels, each gem originating from a different country. He offered a reward to people across the nation to fulfill this demanding request. However, no one helped him complete this nearly unreasonable command. The ruler of a country brought such absurd matters before the people of the nation. Soon, someone began to nostalgically call out the name of the princess they once adored. — Heartache tinged with resentment.
In the end, her wish was not fulfilled. She began to curse, to act violently, and to smash everything that could be smashed, insulting everyone she could. He began to frown. — Heartache tinged with resentment.
That country, that country I once loved deeply, I couldn't help but pay attention to it every day. I heard dissatisfaction with Zhan Meng everywhere, saying he didn't know how to govern, spent his days immersed in love, abandoned a perfect wife, entangled with a seductive woman, losing the nation's dignity and the hearts of the people. — Painful regret in the heart.
He began to lose spirit, sitting in a corner, sometimes not speaking a single word for an entire day. — Painful regret in the heart.
She continued to act arrogantly, and for a single word of offense, killed a maid who had served in the palace for many years. Finally, he became furious and ordered her to be taken away, never to approach the palace again. — Painful regret in the heart.
11
I cannot watch, cannot watch any longer.
Destiny is predetermined. Suddenly I understood that the gods had a benevolent purpose, wanting me to awaken by myself.
It's nothing more than this; life is a journey of suffering that cannot be unraveled. Once comprehended, it's just this.
I close my eyes, close my emotions, and become my quiet, steady angel, counting the seasons as flowers bloom and fade each night, counting the drums and bells of sunrise and sunset. My heart is filled with joy.
One day, I suddenly sensed something unusual happening. It turned out that Zhan Meng's subjects, long plotting, aimed to overthrow the fallen dynasty. Several teams were already fully armed, just waiting to charge the palace, seize Zhan Meng's name, and replace his position.
I panicked, knelt on the ground, and prayed to God, asking only that Zhan Meng's name be preserved and making no other request.
God asked, are you truly making no other requests?
Yes, I only ask to preserve his life.
God silently disappeared.I quickly ran into Zhanmeng's dream to inform him of the situation. Zhanmeng, like a walking corpse, silently looked at me, and suddenly shouted a name: Cynthia… Are you my Cynthia??\ I was suddenly shocked and quickly withdrew from his dream.\ Zhanmeng uncontrollably shouted my name. I hid on the distant horizon, tears streaming down my face. Zhanmeng, the man I could never truly love, we ultimately could not escape the helplessness of fate. We missed a day, and in return, we received eternal separation.\ With the enemy at the city gates, Zhanmeng showed no resistance. He quietly walked out of the palace, his figure hunched, his steps slow. Counting the time away, it had been no more than ten years, yet Zhanmeng had aged inexplicably. He left the palace that had sustained him and walked into the bushes.\ He began searching the mountains and fields for my figure, calling out my name.\ God appeared in front of me, looking into my eyes.\ My heart was like dead ashes, it would never stir again.\ And so he kept searching, year after year. In his hands, he held the white glove I had left at our first meeting, small as it was, witnessing all our joys and partings. He held it, surviving on memories alone. Other than aging, he did nothing else.\ Gradually, God was satisfied with my expressionless face and my calm heart.\ He no longer looked into my eyes.\ I was merely a night-watching angel without liver or lungs, repenting my sins in the cycle of reincarnation, waiting for salvation after a miracle comes.\ 12\ Every early morning, fresh dewdrops form on the flowers and leaves.\ No one knows that these are the tears I shed every night facing a distant bush.
