A few jokes I saw today^_^) Y

1.
The girl's father is a soldier, so the girl started to practice boxing with the girl's father since she was a child. The story happened when the girl was in kindergarten. One day, the kindergarten teacher called the girl and called her father to the kindergarten, saying that the girl had beaten someone else's child to tears. The girl's father thought badly, the child's hands were weak, don't let him get hurt, so he rushed to the kindergarten, grabbed the girl and asked: What are you doing to hit someone? Apologize to me quickly!
Girl: I didn't hit anyone!
Sister's father: Can other children cry if you haven't hit them?
The girl said aggrievedly: I really didn't fight. . I will. . I just played it. . .
Sister's father: Where are you playing with people? Can you make them cry?
At this time, the teacher standing aside was about to step forward to explain the situation. The little boy who was beaten suddenly burst into tears: . . All swollen. . . . All swollen. . . .
2.
What I heard when I went home during the holidays: A little girl from my village, known as a BH, lived at her boyfriend's house before she got married. The next morning, she came out of her boyfriend's house and walked back halfway. As soon as she reached the gate, she shouted: xxx, did I forget my pants at your house? That day, the news spread throughout the village.
3、
I took the car back to my hometown the day before yesterday and sat in the last row (because I didn't have to give up my seat XE). There was a couple next to me. The woman said in a very pessimistic manner, and the man was sitting next to me. The road is long, many people will choose to sleep, and the man did too. But when he fell asleep, he leaned on me (I'm a boy.) The woman looked at me apologetically, and my brother was heartbroken, and he immediately shook his head generously. At this time, the man suddenly put his hand on my chest and squeezed it. Then he said quietly: "Why has it become smaller..."
It's smaller...
I watched his hand put down with a black line on my face. Who would have thought that his GF directly replied, "You made a mistake, I'm not a kid!"
You made a mistake, I'm not a kid...
That's wrong, I'm not a kid...
I'm not a kid...

One day, a child who was not yet underage asked his father a question when everyone was having dinner: "Dad, guess a riddle, saying that a man went to whore three women with 50 cents. What do you think is the mathematical symbol for this incident?" What's the number?" Everyone thought for a long time, some said: "It's a question mark", and some said it was an "exclamation mark"! When everyone was thinking hard, the waiter suddenly said "Absolutely worth it"... 5. A seventy-year-old man married a young wife. The neighbor asked worriedly: "Uncle, can you bear the food at your age?" The old man replied disdainfully: "It's as simple as playing mahjong! Eat less, touch more, touch as hard as you can, and don't fire!" I live on the third floor. One late night, I heard the sound of beating and scolding children coming from far and near. It seemed that a little girl had stayed out all night and was picked up by her mother from an Internet cafe. The sound the mother and daughter made made people cry, and there were several people in the dormitory next to it. The lights in the house were all on, and it was estimated that someone would come out to intervene in a few minutes. The classic scene appeared. The little girl howled loudly: "I am really just surfing the Internet. If you don't believe me, take me to the hospital for examination and see if it's still there..." Then all the residents who had just turned on the lights turned dark... 7. There was a young couple in the movie theater. The girl said, "I have to pee. Can I squeeze through?" "Why don't you squat on the ground and pee?" The boyfriend said, "If you squeeze out, you will disturb so many people. It's dark here and no one will see you." "Okay." She said. She took off her pants and squatted on the ground. After a while, the boy got a little sexually excited and started to touch his girlfriend's lower body. He touched something long and hard and said, "Ah! Have you changed your gender?" "No," she said, "I changed my mind...I decided to have a bowel movement."
8.
Two old people, a man and a woman, walked into the hospital. The doctor said to the old man, "I need a urine sample, a stool sample, and a blood sample." The old man said, "What?" The doctor said again.The old man said, "What?" the doctor shouted, "I need a urine sample, a stool sample, a blood sample!" The old lady said to the old man, "Give her your underwear!"
9.
A woman came to her doctor complaining that her husband was 300% impotent. The doctor said, "I know what you mean." She said, "Well, the first one 100%, you can imagine. Plus, he burned his tongue and burned his fingers!"
10.
A man came to his friend and said to his friend: "I don't know what to give my wife for her birthday - she has everything, and she can afford everything she wants, so I'm confused." His friend said: "I have an idea, if you tell her she can enjoy 60 minutes of perfect sex, she will be very happy." So the man did it. The next day, his friend said, "Huh? Did you take my advice?" "Yes," the man said. "Does she like it?" his friend asked. "Ah! She jumped up, thanked me, kissed me on the forehead, ran to the door and shouted - I'll be back in an hour!"
11.
Ami is a beautiful female college student who found a job before she graduated. The boss promised a monthly salary of 8,000, after tax. Everyone is happy for her! After the first month's salary was paid, Ami invited her classmates to dinner. While drinking, Ami suddenly felt guilty and said: "Eight thousand, after going to bed..."
12.
Listen to what your good friends say. A good friend is sitting at the credit union (yes, this is my term, sitting at the table -__, -), not at the counter, but in the lobby. This is the background.
Today she heard two people arguing. After figuring it out, she found out that they were two middle-aged uncles. Uncle A remitted money to Uncle B, but B did not receive the money because the last two digits were missing. The two went to the credit union to check, and after arguing for a long time, they found out that it was Uncle A's phone. The last two digits of the account number were not displayed (please don't ask why--we don't understand---), so the two had a conversation: B: Your phone is rubbish!
A: Impossible! Mine is Apple!
B: Bullshit! It must be parallel imports!
A: Sent by China Unicom! ! Yours is a parallel import!
B: Mine is HTC! Better than Apple! Yours is water! (My friend was already very messy at this time---) A: No! It's true! I don't know why those two digits are missing!
B: How would you know! ! ! Apple's own icons are missing a piece and can't be found! !
A piece of apple is missing——-
A piece is missing——-
A piece is missing——-
13.
I remember when I was still a pure little lolita.
My father was young and energetic and had a bad temper. My mother was a womanizer.
The house would be filled with smoke every few days.
After the war, my mother would take me to my grandma's house. After staying for a few days, I got used to it. According to my mother, every time they started fighting, I would pack my little bag and sit on the small bench, and then say to my mother: Let's go to grandma's house!
Poor dad has black lines all over his head. . .
14.
The teacher suddenly discovered a lump of shit in the children's activity place. Many inquiries were made as to who did it, but to no avail. What to do? Here comes the shocking thing... Since most children are not clean when wiping their vaginas, I opened the butt cracks one by one to compare the color of the anus and the vagina. The anus was too dry and only a small amount of powdered spit and vaginal paste were compared... I wiped it and finally pulled out the old man... . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .